WikiLeaks: "Why so serious?" – by Suleman Akhtar

by admin

Headnote: Addressees of this note are those who are fool enough to think skeptically in this land of “born perfectionists”.

At first, let me share with you people an “exploding and exclusive” thought which has all ingredients of sensation (albeit sensibility).

Here you go: “World will never be the same after WikiLeaks.”

Heavy words. Aren’t they? This is the precious thought which might be “revealed” to you in direct words at times and if you are no so privileged yet, you may “sense” it embedded in wall-posts by scrolling down your Facebook homepage or simply by having casual conversation with people around you.

Hold on, if you don’t want to spoil your relation with the “revealer” of very thought then here I have a suggestion for you. “Never ever commit sin of questioning him/her with words like How/Why.” Providing, you may find yourself in two awkward situations, which ultimately will lead to tarnishing your relationship.

Situation1: She/he might enlighten you with limitless fairytales colored with not so imaginary characters of kings, queens, bishops and horses, which in the end might burst you into screaming or shouting on him/her.

Situation2: She/he might give you an annoyed look with a sigh whilst denouncing you in words “you have no idea of persisting political scenario of world and I don’t want to waste my time.”

Forget it, let’s move on. Out of curiosity, if you ever intend to enlighten yourself with the “revelations” of WikiLeaks, then I have recommendations for you depending upon two conditions.

Condition1: If you are out of time along with out of senses, then simply visit “official” websites of Daily Jang and/or Geo network. There you may find “leaking” of anything and everything except WikiLeaks.

Condition2: If you are really into it and have plenty of leisure time, then simply go to Google and type “WI” only. There’s no need to waste your time by typing whole word. Click the first appeared link and just wait and watch. If you are lucky enough then website might open in 37 minutes irrespective of busy server, otherwise wait till next dawn.

Now, allow me to hold the assumption that you have attained stature of “well-informed” person by swallowing all the “disclosures” of WikiLeaks and now you find yourself in problem related to digest them. Here, at helm of affairs, I’m not sure if you have ever acquainted with the “good ol’” saying “WWE: Don’t try it at home”. If you are well aware of “essence” of this saying then feel free to leave the note at this point, as I’m going to outline the “consequences” for those who would like to share these disclosures with “born perfectionists” of our society.

I, hereby, would like to recapitulate aftermaths regarding your endeavor of sharing WikiLeaks “disclosures” with other (not so) like-minded people, by highlighting three of “revelations”.

Revelation1: Saudis are biggest financiers of Al-Qaeda

After trying hard you manage somehow to mumble this sentence without any reluctance, in middle of room. There’s a pin drop silence in room which lasts for minute. At last, someone breaks the distasteful silence by screaming:

“Are you talking about Haadmen Harmen Shareefen?” (Whilst, listening the notion of Haadmen Harmen Shareefen, others from audience close their eyes down and start murmuring something sacred).

This is it. You are not in a position anymore to utter anything “foolish”. In case if you try to become Socrates then be ready for “295-C”.

Revelation2: Pak-Army is the key power player in Pakistani politics and ISI still enjoys close ties with Islamic fundamentalists and extremists

“This will helpful in proving me a well-informed person who has grasp on current affairs”-Thought comes into your mind and you commit biggest mistake of your life by declaring this (not so) secret “revelation” in a family gathering.

Your uncle gives you ferocious look from behind his spectacles:

“My son, you have no idea what you are talking about. Had Pak-army not taken responsibility of our ideological boundaries Pakistan would have been a Kaafir(secular) state. I’m observing that you are being influenced by the Zionist propaganda who want to disintegrate our country and throw Muslim countries into chaos. May God save you, I can only pray for you.”

Conversation ends and you have no other option except staring your toe.

Revelation3: Present PPP government has nothing to do with country’s defense and foreign policy

You will never be allowed to complete your sentence after the word “PPP” and here starts reiteration of a single name “Asif Ali Zardari”:

“You know what AAZ involves in land grabbing of 3 Marla plot in Nawabshah”

“I’ve heard that AAZ belongs to Ahmadi sect”

“They say that AAZ takes bath daily”

“This is confirm that AAZ is relative of Bal Thackeray”

And you will be forced to scream after:

“Come here, I tell you what, AAZ was involved in Benazir Bhutto’s assassination”

Welcome to land of born perfectionists.

Why So Serious?

14 Comments to “WikiLeaks: "Why so serious?" – by Suleman Akhtar”

  1. Basically, you’re describing your run-ins with some ill-informed members of your family. OK, I don’t have that big a problem, but c’mon yaar, this is a badly written article.

    And the answer to you question How has wikileaks changed the world? Simple, everything we suspected about the Pakistan Army, Inter Services Intelligence and Saudi Arabia has been confirmed.

    What kind of strange, strange people do you have in your family that refer to the annoying Al Sauds as Haadmen Harmen Shareefen? I barely understand what this strange newly minted (in Pakistan phrase) even means (“Guardians of the Two Holy Places”?), and if you’ve come across anyone who talks about them in those terms, then I really, really sympathise with you.

  2. Oh what fun, but who’s surprised by WikiLeaks? – by Kamran Shafi
    http://criticalppp.com/archives/32312

    WikiLeaks and the astonishment of Pakistani media and middle class – by Ayaz Amir
    http://criticalppp.com/archives/31738

    Blessed are the WikiLeaks revolutionaries —Babar Ayaz
    http://criticalppp.com/archives/32264

    Wikileaks and living in ‘Denialistan’ -by Arshad Mahmood
    http://criticalppp.com/archives/32137

    Progressive Pakistani bloggers in support of Julian Assange
    http://criticalppp.com/archives/tag/wikileaks

    Leaky logic – by Nadeem F. Paracha
    http://criticalppp.com/archives/32095

    Wikileaks and the ‘ghairat’ of jokers of military establishment – by Rauf Klasra
    http://criticalppp.com/archives/31942

    Zaid Hamid on Wikileaks: yahoodi bandar, amreeki haathi (and khaki gidh)
    http://criticalppp.com/archives/31755

    Wikileaks on General Kayani and his ‘democratic’ puppets
    http://criticalppp.com/archives/31221

  3. @TLW

    The majority of Pakistani anchors and the supporters of PML-N, JI, PTI, ISI etc believe in theories which Wikileaks have tried to discredit, yet many Pakistanis (if not the majority) are living in Denialistan.

    zameen jumbad, na jumbad gul mohammad

  4. @TLW, I think Suleman’s article is on the mark! Many civil society type Pakistanis and our ghairat-obsessed media are reacting in this manner.

  5. Rudd blames US, not Assange for leaks

    Foreign Minister Kevin Rudd says the United States, not WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, is to blame for the release of secret diplomatic cables.

    Mr Rudd says the 39-year-old Australian cannot be held personally responsible for the release of more than 250,000 documents.

    He says the leaks raise questions about the adequacy of US security.

    “Mr Assange is not himself responsible for the unauthorised release of 250,000 documents from the US diplomatic communications network,” said Mr Rudd, who has been criticised in one leaked cable as a “control freak”.

    “The Americans are responsible for that.”

    Mr Rudd appears to be in agreement with former prime minister John Howard, who earlier today said Mr Assange had not done anything wrong by publishing cables that contained “frank commentary”.

    “Any journalist will publish confidential information if he or she gets hold of it, subject only to compelling national security interests,” Mr Howard said.

    “The issue is whether any of this material and the publication of it will endanger people’s lives or endanger individual countries.

    “The bad people in this little exercise are the people who gave the information to him, because they’re the people who breached the trust.

    “They deserve to be chased and prosecuted.”

    Some US politicians are looking for ways to indict Mr Assange over the breach of security.

    Mr Assange is in custody in Britain facing extradition to Sweden in relation to sexual assault allegations, but authorities in both countries insist his detention has nothing to do with the recent release of the secret cables.

    Mr Assange, who denies the allegations, will remain behind bars until an extradition hearing on December 14.

    The original source of the leaks is not known, though a US army private who worked as an intelligence analyst in Iraq, Bradley Manning, has been charged by military authorities with unauthorised downloading of more than 150,000 State Department cables.

    US officials have declined to say whether those cables are those now being released by WikiLeaks.

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/12/08/3088461.htm

  6. I tend to agree with Ali Abbas on this piece.

  7. Sarah and Ali, it was the quality of the writing I was talking about, but I am worried you may be right about many people not letting the Wiki-Revelations effect their views on that the army, the malignant influence of various Saudis on our domestic policy, and the multiple clashes of institutions that the US embassy closely observed, and meant to comment only to each other about (and is now leaked).

    But folks, I barely understood the idea concealed in these sentences because, dare I say it, the grammar was bad. Here, read this:

    “Never ever commit sin of questioning him/her with words like How/Why.” Providing, you may find yourself in two awkward situations, which ultimately will lead to tarnishing your relationship.

    Situation1: She/he might enlighten you with limitless fairytales colored with not so imaginary characters of kings, queens, bishops and horses, which in the end might burst you into screaming or shouting on him/her.

    Situation2: She/he might give you an annoyed look with a sigh whilst denouncing you in words “you have no idea of persisting political scenario of world and I don’t want to waste my time.”

    Forget it, let’s move on. Out of curiosity, if you ever intend to enlighten yourself with the “revelations” of WikiLeaks, then I have recommendations for you depending upon two conditions.

    OK, in “Situation 1”, are the tales of “Kings and Bishops” being spun reality based ones, or are they by somebody influnced by Ziaist government propaganda? And in “Situation 2”, when the speaker says “you have no idea of persisting political scenario of world”, do they accept the Wikileaks thing as the anarchic leaking of western pro-democracy internet activists, or are they implying it’s one of those “conspiracies against Pakistan” that get thrown at us every day?

    I hope I’ve made my point clear about the writing. I respect the message Suleman Akhtar is trying to convey, but I wish the execution was better done.

    But still Suleman bhai, 9 out of 10 for a serious effort.

  8. T.L.W ==> I would not have cared to justify my stance on very issue, had I not noticed some strange comments from you regarding “awareness level” of my family.
    I mean, seriously, where did you get the perception from that I was referring to some domestic issues on this reflective forum?

    I don’t know where on earth you breathe, if you interlace strengthening some of your personal tenets(though true) with CHANGE of whole world outside your beingness.
    Whilst, taking into consideration your vexatious question, I start with:
    There are two considerations in hand which “supposed to be” stirred by WikiLeaks revelations.
    1-Diplomatic ties of US with world.
    2-Opinion building of general public around the world.

    1- Those, who have slightest idea of how International Relations work, are well-aware of fact that “indispensable necessities of states” is paramount driving factor which determines the way for diplomatic relations in general and particularly when it comes to US. “State” is responsible for ties with other states of world and I presume you a well-informed person who can distinguish between “state” and “government”. Here I would like to put an example: At the time of US invasion on Iraq in 2003, US forces alongside British troops toppled the regime of Saddam Hussain. Afterwards, we observed gigantic mass protests of human history in UK against the war, but that couldn’t force British Government to draw out it’s support for US offense. Coming back to WikiLeaks, Sacking of some second cadre Government officials doesn’t necessarily implies that “World” of diplomatic ties have been changed. To say, this is super exaggeration.

    2- In regard of public opinion, I confined my apprehensions to Pakistani commonality, in my humble note. Unfortunately, in our country, predominant percentage of population belongs to marginalized section of society, who lives in rural domains and has nothing to do with the great disclosures of WikiLeaks. Then there comes another classification “Middle-Class” which is greatly influenced by “state-propaganda” through electronic and mass media. Cardinal target of my note was this very class. If you have reservations over the notion of “Haadmen Harmen Shareefen”, then I tend to advise you to go and search last two weeks archives of every, let me repeat, every single Urdu Newsgroup and you will instantly know what I mean when I use this term.

  9. PS: Though I’am not here to prove my Grammar skills but I tender my apologies if it wasn’t up to your standard.

  10. @TLW

    I laud your appreciation of Suleman’s message.

    Grammar is a secondary issue particularly for a blog primarily written and read by non-native speakers of English.

    For example, in the above comment (December 8, 2010 at 6:39 pm) you wrote “not letting the Wiki-Revelations effect their views”, there was a grammatical error but that did not ‘affect’ your message which you conveyed eloquently.

    I too pay scanty attention to English grammar and punctuation but that does not deter me from posting on many diverse topics at LUBP.

  11. I must commend LUBP for adding Suleman Akhtar to its list of writers. I enjoy reading his work much more than many of the “pucca” English-speaker-civil-society-types in our print and blog universe.

  12. well said, ali abbas. Suleman is an excellent addition to the team.

  13. wow Excellent debate !

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